Nil-Nil! Nil-Nil! Nil-Nil!

I will spare you the details, but I find myself with nothing better to do than watch the Monday Night Helmetball fixture between the Miami Football Dolphins and FC Steelers of Pittsburgh. And at the moment of this writing, it is one of the best helmetball games I have ever watched. Why? Because the score is 0-0, of course: deep into the third quarter, both teams appear incapable of scoring so much as a failure goal. The Steelers’ kicker just missed a failure-goal attempt in the most pathetic fashion. Given the sheer suckitude of the Football Dolphins, it is entirely possible that this could end in a scoreless tie, in which case it would rise from mere regular-season-match-up-between-one-mediocre-team-and-one-horrible-team to legendary status.

C’mon Nil-Nil! C’mon Nil-Nil!

UPDATE: Did Ben Roethlisberger seriously just point up at Jesus after “leading” his team to a 3-0 win? Trust me, son—if there’s one game the Almighty had no part of, it was this one.

And with that, I hearby issue an apology to the faithful reader(s) of Eleven Devils and promise not to mention helmetball for at least one calendar year.

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About zachdundas

Freelance journalist. Author of The Renegade Sportsman (Riverhead Books). Thank you.
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3 Responses to Nil-Nil! Nil-Nil! Nil-Nil!

  1. Thomas says:

    Did it end up 0-0? Your helmetball commentary made me laugh out loud. Cheers.

  2. Zach Dundas says:

    Sadly, a last-minute failure goal prevented this game from entering the hallowed halls of true greatness. It was the lowest scoring NFL game in something like 193 years, however. Though I watched with the volume at the lowest ebb, I heard the commentariat making some cracks about it being “nil-nil on the pitch.” In the helmetball world, that qualifies for Witty Raconteur of the Day.

  3. gene says:

    The “Trust me son” line ruined my keyboard with a spray of coffee. Thanks a lot.I’m glad you picked up on the soccer comparison. I’m a fan of both kinds of football, real and American, but I always enjoy watching the NFL squirm.

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