A Festivus of Non-Nations

My old comrade Dan (aka “The Hassidic Harrier”) chimed in this morning with the disappointing news that the Vatican City isn’t likely to field a football team any time soon. So the collective childlike excitement we all felt at the prospect of seeing Ratzinger pacing the sidelines in a cloud of incense was for naught.

However, idle speculation over new and unfeasible national football teams is a fine holiday pastime; in fact, it can be highly educational. Who knew, for example, that there is a global federation of wanna-be national teams, featuring such heavyweights as Lapland, Northern Cyprus, Rijeka and the Romany? (And apparently, um, the Isle of Wight?) Or that notorious buccaneer “micronation” Sealand makes this worthy outfit’s “provisional” members list? It seems the Laplanders are the “world champions” of this football demimonde…after beating Monaco 21-1.

Think of the awesome possibilities! Could we one day see a “full international” between Sealand and The United Shires of America? Or, here’s a thought: I know some of my fellow Portland footballniks are into the whole bioregional separatist thing. When will we see Mighty Cascadia take to the pitch?

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About zachdundas

Freelance journalist. Author of The Renegade Sportsman (Riverhead Books). Thank you.
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