ESCAPE TO VICTORY!

Oh, not on the futsal pitch. My beloved Unicorns of Albina Going FC took a good old-fashioned country beatdown at the hands of Juventus on Tuesday night. Apparently life in Portland Futsal’s completely revamped Second Division is going to be a wild ride—the match before ours just about devolved into a full-scale handbags-at-ten-paces ruck, and then Juve used us for target practice.

Luckily, the result I cared about even more went the right way.

Eleven Devils don’t do much politickin’—except to slag off Chelsea, and even that’s mostly just to get Dr. Gogol to leave a comment—nor do we (and by that, I mean “I”) try to sculpt a particular demographic niche. And I guess on some level I’m supposed to be journalistically apolitical, though that ethic is looking a bit obsolete. Lacking any other venue to say so, I’m compelled to note that Election ’06 was something like my own private World Cup victory. The national results pleased my pinko heart, naturally, and judging by the outright jubiliation I encountered in the streets of Portland yesterday, I was not alone. But more to the point, my people—my tribe, my Sacred Homeland—came through.

The Montana Democrats! At various times in the recent past I’ve suspected that my immediate blood relations might be the last survivors of the breed. But no. I got significant portions of my *national* electoral news from the websites of the Billings Gazette and my hometown Missoulian on Tuesday night—heady times indeed. And every time I see Senator Jon Tester’s goofy mug, I’m at the verge of both laughter and tears. My brother is busily hatching opportunistic schemes to market “Schweitzer/Obama ’08” T-shirts. It’s morning in America!

Okay, enough of that. Back to bipartisanship: making fun of Manchester United.

*

After the League Cup loss to a team called—one of those delicious “only in England” thangs—The Shrimpers, Alex Ferguson is understandably eager to strengthen his youth and reserve teams. So it looks like Green Card wunderkind F. Adu is heading for Old Trafford…or maybe not…or maybe so. As nearly as I can read the Google News tea-leaves, the rumor is trending true, though whether United’s motives are entirely pure is—and you will be shocked to hear this—in question.

Will he/won’t he? Well, young master Frederico both deserves and needs a Euro move at his earliest opp.; what’s he going to do with another year in MLS—wait anxiously for DC United to bottle it in the playoffs yet again? Despite skepticism in many quarters, I believe Adu is a legit talent. And of all the clubs he might decamp to, I can think of only one (just guess) that would constitute a dumber move than United. I can see the value of a spell in England, where Adu will be murdered by the press, brutalized by defenders, mocked by supporters, lorded over by some Dickensian manager and forced to up his pace considerably. I can’t see any sense in him riding the bench for one of the Superclubs at this stage. The kid needs a full-tilt football education, and that’s only going to come with someone’s first team.

Hey, speaking of Southend…

*

From XIDevils’ bustling Department of Omissions: Check out the excellent, Portland-based multinational multiblog, The Offside, descendant of the popular WorldCupBlog. Thank me later!

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About zachdundas

Freelance journalist. Author of The Renegade Sportsman (Riverhead Books). Thank you.
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