Mediocrity Erupts!

Ah, sometimes indifference makes all the difference. I watched Liverpool, to whom I’ve sworn provisional Premier League allegiance, play a thoroughly forgettable opening day draw against newly promoted (and, really, on a man-for-man basis, shockingly ugly, and I mean physically) Sheffield United. I saw my two fantasy league teams launch what promise to be drab simul-seasons. I’m set for another poor performance with my so-far-not-so-victory-rich indoor team tomorrow, and also contemplating starting a futsal side with a bunch of dudes who have never played that reputedly very difficult game.

And meanwhile, lurking in the deep background of my football existence, the Portland Timbers—who I have done a terrible job of supporting this year. If you remember the last scene of cinema classic ‘Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid,’ you’re familiar with the Timbers’ general situation heading into their final games of the season. It is, essentially, mathematically impossible for the Timbers to make the First Division play-offs, except not quite: every other team in the league could collapse, suddenly fold (it is the USL) or be wiped out in a mysterious lightning strike. Yes, Chris Agnello’s men have put together just that kind of awe-inspiring campaign.

But you know what? I’m thoroughly enjoying all of it. How upliftingly pure and old-school! Eh?


About zachdundas

Freelance journalist. Author of The Renegade Sportsman (Riverhead Books). Thank you.
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