Enter the Dragons!

Not much to report after holing up in a former brothel in a dull Northwestern timber town for five days for the purposes of work and seclusion. For some reason, the citizens of Centralia didn’t seem as excited about the English Premier League kick-off as many of my comrades in the football underbelly.

To me, the forthcoming Premiership season is not merely an impersonal entertainment; it’s very, very personal. See, I’m debuting not one, but two fantasy sides tomorrow. CITADEL OF BLOOD FC has a very strong Liverpool flavo(u)r, and given that the Reds are *certain* to have a blinder all season on their way to offing Siberian Oil FC, the Citadel is likely to entomb its rivals in its Yahoo! sponsored league beneath a ziggurat of severed heads and well-earned points. Meanwhile, over on the official Premier League site, CANNIBAL ISLAND FC tangos to a distinct New World beat.

I’ve never engaged in this faaaaaan-tas-eeee tomfoolery before. Since I suck at almost all competitive endeavo(u)rs, I’m sure I’ll suck at this, too. But at least I have the greatest team names of all friggin’ time.


About zachdundas

Freelance journalist. Author of The Renegade Sportsman (Riverhead Books). Thank you.
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5 Responses to Enter the Dragons!

  1. Sean says:

    Chelsea’s newest signing Khalid “The Cannibal” Boulahrouz must be a shoo-in for the Islander’s back line.

  2. drgogol says:

    Hey Tough Guy:Join the SoccerCityUSA League: In the ‘Join a private league’ bit put in the code 46384-11255See you in my rearview mirror, mate…Bickle

  3. Zach Dundas says:

    So my finishing last in two leagues isn’t enough for you? Fine. The Rule of Threes, then.

  4. Derek says:

    Well, you ended up doing better than I did. I now have five . . . FIVE injured players on my squad. I knew there was a good reason I never got into this before.

  5. Zach Dundas says:

    CRUCIAL UPDATE: I’m settling into mid-table mediocrity very nicely, thanks.

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